The two meaningful relationships I’ve had in my life came with an added component: A step daughter.
And along with the responsibility of being the new man in their mother’s lives, also came a commitment of being the best guiding force I could be to them.
So, when the time came, the one thing I told both those girls was the first time a boy puts his hands on you in an abusive way should be the last time.
Too many women, young and not so young alike, overlook the signs of a bad relationship in the making. They stay too long, then try to get away after it’s too late.
Some make it, but … sadly … others don’t.
To quote John G. Taylor, MA, in his Psychology Today article, Behind the Veil: Inside the Mind of Men That Abuse … Domestic violence and unmasking the terror of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde:
“Domestic Violence is the leading cause of injury to women, sending over 1 million every year to doctor’s offices or emergency rooms. This violence isn’t occurring from the hands of a stranger, but from the hands of the man that has said ‘I love you.”’
Taylor says there are three important phases that lead to abusive relationships:
Phase 1: Tension building (Usually begins with arguments between the batterer/abuser)
Phase 2: Explosion (Where the assault happens);
Phase 3: Honeymoon Phase (Where the batterer/abuser apologizes for his behavior buying the victim gifts or flowers).
I’m saying all this for one reason: Ohio State Football Coach Urban Myer.
His three-game suspension for looking the other way about abuse former assistant coach Zach Smith brought on his ex-wife Courtney is a joke, and shows how “the privileged” in America walk by a different set of rules.
According to a university investigation, Myer didn’t follow proper procedures by not informing administrators about Smith’s conduct, which included:
A 2013 charge of drunken driving;
Running up a $600-plus bill at a strip club on a recruiting trip;
Failing to show up at scheduled high school recruiting visits;
Taking sexually explicit photos of himself during a team visit to the White House;
Addiction to prescription drugs that resulted in admission to a drug treatment facility;
Having a sexual relationship with a secretary on the football staff.
Oh, and let’s not forget abusing his wife as clearly illustrated in pictures she took of her injuries for police.
Myer finally fired Smith on July 23, but only after his wife filed a Personal Protection Order with police.
Did Myer overlook ALL these things because Smith’s grandfather, former Ohio State football coach Earl Bruce, gave Urban his first coaching job as a graduate assistant in 1986?
Did the OSU Board of Trustees fight like mad dogs for no Myer suspension or outright dismissal, against the objections of university president Larry Drake during a marathon meeting that began at 8 o’clock Wednesday morning and went well into the night?
Kudos to Drake for not wavering on the suspension, despite loud cries … and threats … from Buckeyes football faithful, who obviously put Myer’s 73-8 seven-year record (that includes a national championship in 2014) over that of a battered woman.
Unfounded reports say Myer, who makes $7.6 million a year, bucked hard for no suspension at all … saying he hadn’t done anything wrong.
Hadn’t done anything wrong?
Well, I guess if Myer overlooking abuse of a woman because of some misguided football loyalty to her abuser’s grandfather is OK, and the OSU board willing to forget about it, too, then this country is even more worse off than I thought.